Have I lost my wild?

Wild has always meant more than just the outdoors for me.  It’s a way of life, how my soul feels, the fire behind my eyes, and my favorite places to get lost.  I can find wildness in almost anything but recently lost that, or rather put it on silence as it was sadly misplaced.

“As the deer longs for streams of water so my soul longs for you, O’ God.” Psalm 42:1

I recognized this immediately but watched imprisoned inside myself where days went by without the fulfillment and nourishment my soul so needed.  Each and every one of us has a component or components that make us who we are and keep us in balance and without it we stop living.  Not that our lives end in the sense of death but in a way that life no longer becomes a means of happiness which in most instances is a worse sentence than the finality of dying.  

Where has my wild gone?

I haven’t lost it.  My wild has lived on strongly in my imagination during my hiatus.  Many afternoons I spent dreaming of wind rolling through tall grasses, sweet smell of honeysuckle, while I perch atop a mountain with massive bodies of water below.  I dreamt of the climb through thick forests where no end was in sight and the burning energy through my legs fueled my joy as the climb steepened.  A glance out the window and my mind was off into a field overwhelmed by sunshine and the songs of birds so beautiful I had no room for worries, anxiety, grief, or pain.  I felt it all because the wildness is what makes me, me.

One look.  One thought.  That’s all I needed to get to my wild but that one step was what stood in my way.  How hard could it actually be to find time or even the will to step into something I loved.  There was a wall in my way.

How many times has your path been blocked and you wasted unforgivable amounts of time trying to get through to your happiness and peace?  That is until clarity shows us how to climb over it.  Sometimes that’s the exact answer, to just stay put and bide our time.  I’ve taken a break to refocus, determine where to start next, and now I’m more wild than ever and ready to just run free in a world I haven’t explored enough of yet.  I’ve learned to sit still and listen while finding my balance in life even if that means holding off on what I love to do for awhile to get it just right.  Be here I am, the wild bird set free, grateful for this day, and ready to begin a completely new book.  Ready to read along?

Chapter 1.

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2 thoughts on “Have I lost my wild?

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